How do you cope?
by Seedling lotus
Summary: A post battle bonding moment between Gojyo and Goku. Probably a bit out of character. Repeated mentions of blood.


"Hey kid."

Goku looked up, finding Gojyo standing over him with a freshly lit cigarette hanging from his lips. Goku almost envied Gojyo having such an easy way to block out the smell of blood and other bodily fluids soaking the ground around them. But he knew it came at a high cost.

"I'm not a kid," Goku grumbled, scrubbing absently at the drying blood on his cheek. He wasn't sure when it had gotten there or whose it was. He wasn't even sure if he was the one who'd killed the person it belonged to.

"Sanzo-sama is getting pissy," Gojyo said, "and Hakkai wants to find a river to camp near for the night."

Goku glanced back up, but Gojyo wasn't even looking at him. He was staring off at where Hakkai was patching up a stray gash on Sanzo's arm. Goku looked away, taking in the fifty-odd bodies lying scattered over the churned red mud.

He should have been there to protect Sanzo. He should have been stronger.

"Does it get easier?" Goku asked quietly. When he looked up, this time Gojyo was watching him out of the corner of his eye.

"What?" Gojyo asked, taking a drag, the cherry of his cigarette glowing bright orange.

"Killing," Goku said, trying to gauge Gojyo's reaction. "Being surrounded by death."

"Don't you think you should be asking H'kai that?" Gojyo grumbled, pointedly looking away.

"He'd lie," Goku said without hesitation.

"What makes you think I won't?" Gojyo scoffed, flicking ash off the end of his cigarette. It was almost gone now, but Gojyo's hand was still trembling. Goku wondered if it was the adrenaline or something else. He couldn't smell anything over the blood.

Goku just watched Gojyo finish his cigarette. He dropped it into the mud, grinding it out with the heel of a filthy boot. Gojyo raked a hand through his tangled hair before lighting a second cigarette.

"Does it?" Goku asked again when it became obvious that Gojyo just plain wasn't going to answer.

"No," Gojyo bit out bluntly. He took a long drag on his cigarette, blowing out an even longer stream of smoke. "It never gets easier. It'll haunt you every single time." Gojyo looked down at Goku, his red eyes hard. They reminded Goku of cold garnets. "You can go back. Sanzo can't make you stay, Goku."

It was weirder seeing Gojyo that serious than it was standing in a field of cooling corpses.

"How do you cope?" Goku asked, tipping his head slightly.

Gojyo cracked a wry and crooked grin. He blew a smoke ring into Goku's face. "I smoke, and drink, and fuck," Gojyo leered.

"Pervy kappa," Goku grimaced, wrinkling his nose and shoving Gojyo in the ribs.

Gojyo grunted, but smirked all the same. He hooked a long arm around Goku's shoulders, dragging him in against his side and leaning heavily on him. Goku struggled half-heartedly to shove him off, giving up when it became obvious that Gojyo wasn't going to budge.

"I lose poker badly to Hakkai," Gojyo admitted quietly. "And I put my smokes in beer cans just to annoy him. I lean on baldy, and pick on you, and hit on pretty women." When Goku looked up at him, Gojyo was staring dead ahead with his eyes shadowed by his hair. "Hakkai makes lists, and cleans, and frets over injuries that don't need fretting. Baldy smokes, and drinks, and cleans his gun, and sleeps. You eat, and get way too attached to every sob story we meet, and try to help everyone, and go about befriending the enemy like it's going to change their minds any."

"Gee, thanks," Goku grumbled, crossing his arms.

"It's all a matter of distraction," Gojyo said, shrugging. "You've made it this far."

"I'm not giving up!" Goku snapped, shoving Gojyo off.

Goku barely caught a glimpse of something warm in Gojyo's eyes before the man smirked and grabbed him in a headlock. Goku squawked in protest as Gojyo gave him a noogie, trying to push Gojyo's hand away from his hair. "Never said you were, shrimpy."

"Pervy kappa!" Goku shouted.

"Stupid monkey," Gojyo shot back with a broad grin.

"Cockroach!" Goku retaliated, pinching Gojyo's sides and earning a squawk of protest.

"Hey morons," Sanzo shouted. "We will leave you behind."

When Goku looked over, Sanzo and Hakkai were both already seated in the jeep. Gojyo slung a heavy arm over his shoulders again, dragging him forward.

"Keep your pants on, Sanzo-sama," Gojyo drawled, dropping his cigarette to hiss against the red mud. "We're coming."

"I'm hungry," Goku whined as he clambered into the back of the jeep.

"We'll stop for the night soon," Hakkai assured, the lines around his eyes going a little softer. His smile getting a little more genuine. "The map says that there's a river a couple kilometers ahead of us. We can set up camp there for the night."

"Camping again?" Gojyo groaned. Hakkai just laughed, setting them off into the forest again. Sanzo appeared to be trying to ignore them all by pretending to be asleep.

Goku glanced at Gojyo. Gojyo simply raised an eyebrow at him, cracking open one of the last beers. But he nudged Goku with his knee, glancing at the other two. Goku glanced at them too, smiling slightly and nodding once when he looked back to Gojyo.

It would never get easier, but at least he didn't have to do it alone.


End file.
